every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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