If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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