Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
