I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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