I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
