You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
