Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
