I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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