That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
