Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
