No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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