this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
