Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
