Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
