it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
