two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
