New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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