So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
