Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
