i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
