My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
