seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
