my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Two words: blizzard sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
