who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
