I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
