Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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