just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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