My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
