i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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