yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
