big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
