So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
