Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this boner is exhausting
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
