yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
