drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
