Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
