You're so nebulous sometimes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
