Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
