Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
