woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
