people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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