she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
