i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
