Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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