it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
