considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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