in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
