During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
