Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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