went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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